9:07 PM
Monday, February 26, 2007
i tried so hard to make her understand. tried so hard to make believe me. tried so hard to actually feel loved by her. but until now, i realized that i hvnt been trying hard enough.i used to say she dont understand me. i gez i dont understand her as well. i dont listen to her, n expect her to listen to me. i dont respect her, n i expect her to respect me.i remember thinking when i was young, that i wud never make my mom cry. coz wen i saw her crying while scolding my sisters, it really hurts. god knows how fast time flies, n now im the one to make her cry.i never put myself in her shoes. oh my, imagine a poor mother, waiting for her daughter to call her, frm 1.40 to 7 pm. imagine how worried she is. imagine how hurt she must hv felt that here she is thinking so much bout her daughter, but her daughter cnt even spare sm time for her.friends are more important now to her daughter. school. enjoying life. im sure my mom would want to enjoy life with me.i bet she want to hug me, smile at me and so we both cn feel comfortable with each other. that evrytime either of our mouths open, its not to scold or to scream. i never wanted to explain to her, what is happening. what is gg on. who my frenz are. what my cca is all about. what we did during ncc. how gpa is progressing.i always take it that she is dumb. she wont understand even if i tell her that we are doing c'n'c for ncc, we doing on expressions for GPA, we are having live range, we are to discuss audition items.i look down on her. i am ashamed of how my mother is. but god noes, how ashamed i am now of myself. how i wish we can start all over again.i never took into consideration y my mom dont allow me to do certain things. why i dont hv that much freedom, why must she keep track of evrything i do.coz she noes. n i noe, that i will take advantage of the freedom given. i am so forgetful that i lost so many of my things.oh yes she nags. it hurts wen smtimes u are telling the truth, n yet, she just dont want to believe you. it hurts that when i call her, n gave her a valid reason, she doesnt want to listen. it hurts when she compare me to other ppl.n it hurts most when she say that she wont even care if i die. but i noe she care. i noe how much she love me.i see the way shes trying to change, n yet, im nt doing anything to change myself. its been so long that ive said this,i love my mom from the bottom of my heart.tears are dripping like shit ryte now. no1 wud understand what im feeling ryte now. the guilt, the anger and the hurt. i can make do with my mom's strictness. she loves me. she just have a diffrent way to put it.she did so much for me. paid my bills for me (part of it), bought me expensive things, make sure that i dont go on the wrong track in life.only god noes what this daughter of hers had done. ='(wondering why im saying all this?coz i just had a loooong talk with my mom. it started with me coming home late, then my hp bill.she nag n nag n nag, till i cant take it already, n BOOOOM! i exploded! tears dripped. mucus flowed.voice stuck.n poooof, i hyperventilate. my mom thot that i was sobbing. my whole body went jelly n numb, my lungs wanted to explode. i just wanted to give up breathing coz it hurts so much. i cnt even cry. n my mom pulled me onto her lap as i was gasping for air. i cud feel her love.i smhow felt like a child again. i realised how i long for her to hug me with love.shes giving up her hp to me. my line has been cut off. she's giving me her phone. im crying like hell now. we talked. i told her all about GPA, OAC, unit camp co. night, platoon bonding. that evrytime, after GPA pract on sat, i wont merayap.told her about physics test, maths n bahas during malay. she was listening for the first time. but as i was talking, i was still short of breath. it was killing me to talk, but i had no choice. i want to be her daughter whom she trust. for now, i shall start to earn her trust.if not, i wud be spending my dec hols at PPIS when she go haji. gawd no! im glad we talked. im glad that i didnt die as i was hyperventilating.but i had to confess sth. my mom is not as expirienced as the ics when handling me wen i hyperventilate. HAHAHA. i actually miss holding ics hand damn tightly, one ic whispering in my ear. chey chey. ok nvm. what am i blabbering abt? mwahaha.lurp ya peeps! =) muaacks!
8:21 PM
Sunday, February 25, 2007
how could you? i really donoe. i didnt even imagine it. how cud you? i hate you. sorry to say that. actually, im not sorry. not sorry at all. fuck u ass. i hate u to the fucking core.
9:28 PM
Saturday, February 24, 2007
what a day!somebody had a surprise call from me. mwahaha.yaay! we did it! we are on the way to greatness! hahaha, its nice to see how well we all cn work togeda!but of c, the noise we make ah, hahahaha! laugh here laugh there, but still work is done! wooohooo!!yaaaay!n now, hafiza n me made a promise. u better stick to it hafiza!hmmmm, well, i had a good day. oac coming. gpa coming. oh, hv u seen gin's script? hahaha, she make it seem like shes making a speech. hahaha, dont worry ppl, mine is short. woots!n im gg to rebel againts hafiza!! (except the promise one)heeheehee. ok then, bubbye peeps! =)
8:02 PM
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
hafiza is glad to find out her true love.
she is hoping that her true love would make another move.
mwahahaha! so fun!
now that she has a new lover,
she is trying to make it seem that I have a lover myself.
sarah adnan, if u get a call frm hafiza,
dnt listen to her.
she is crapping!
hahahaha.
n hafiza, do u think u are cute? *MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!*
7:09 PM
happy birthday tammy wong! (n me)
yaaay! what a good day!! woohooo! tammy i hope u had a good day too!i got many many many prezzie!!frm my bro, sis, n elle wellie!! YAAAAAAAAY! hahaha. lovely! muaacks! thanks so much to my dearest frenz n family for the nice n quiet celebration!ok, i dont think it was quiet. marlia's scream filled the air! she was screaaaming n screaaaming!mhm, so yes. i love all my prezzie.n i love the cake!above all, i love my mummy n daddy. =)n thanks 4 all the bday wishes!n to tammy wong, i got a nice prezzie for u! cnt wait to give it! =)hehehehe. oukiee dokiee! muacks peeps! =)
Someone should tell you
How much I love you
Coz I really do
Wish I could hold you
The way that I want to
Coz no one, can love you, like I do.
7:36 PM
Monday, February 19, 2007
what a day.time for me to say bubbye to 14, n a BIG HELLO TO 15!14. wow. what a year! many beautiful memories are imprinted in the chapters of my life during this yr.i met awesome ppl, did awesome things, ate awesome food, saw awesome movies. yipeee!*syf definitely highlights my life. =)*huge big wide griiins!**chalet with specialists*fish n co adventure*2M!and many more. =)ok yay! time to enjoy the last few hours of being 14.hahaha, 15 seems big. heez. muacks peeps!!*ps, THANK U SOOO MUCH 4 DAT WONDERFUL GIFT!! =)
9:12 PM
Saturday, February 17, 2007
OK. REALITY CHECK NOW GIRLS.
i gotta do sth.
i cnt sit here n just talk to myself ABOUT IMPORTANT ISSUES.
ive been viewing frendster profiles.
some are god damn hot but some are simply, eye-sores.
first of all, if u noe that u do not hv dimples, pls do not try to force dem out.
u look as if ur in severe constipation.
i cn ALMOST feel the pain wen i look at ur face.
n if u wana act be bitchy or slutty,
eg. biting finger
pls do it nicely.
some of u do it as if ur trying to force urself to puke.
at least ur face tells it all.
ok enuf of frensta profiles.
some ppl are just getting way out of hand.
just stop wateva ur doing.
if u are behaving the way u are now to annoy us
well pls stop, coz u've been WAAAY beyond annoying.
stop gloating over stupid things.
stop trying to act pretty.
coz if u stop trying to do so,
we cn see the nicer side of u.
ooh ooh, n stop complementing others,
just so that ppl would complement u back.
if u think its not obvious,
think again baby. think agaain.
n yeah, stop putting stupid captions like.
"omg. im so ugly lah"
"eeee. omg, i very ugly ryte?"
u jolly well noe, that if u think its ugly u wont even put it up.
but of c. some of u thot wrong.
if u noe what i meant.
nyeehee.
pls do not terasa or perasaan ppl.
im just saying what i feel.
thanks! =)
8:10 AM
YAY! i went sch!n i smhow wish i didnt. eeeks! da cny concert. zomg!got lion dance. i smhow am scared of them. SMHOW. det dat bald guy, u noe da one who wears mask? omg. he is god damn scary lah cn?!i think he saw how scared me n nurul was, HE CAME JUMPING TO US!!!!! omg! i didnt even want to look at his face. i was too bz grabbbing elle's hand!! he was like squatting to us! damn scary! nurul was screaming. i was screaming. omg. hahaha. malu-ated myself. bt cnt take it. damn scary. there were tears in my eyes ok!eeeks! hahaha, den den, da only part which i liked was the cinderella musical. omg. like damn nice cn? very the convincing. e dresses were awesome!!see cikgu, we need costumes! COSTUMES! to leave an extra impact. heehee.so yes, today for GPA pract we will be at geylang, to find costumes to rent. wheee! YAY!n yes, its 8 oclock in the morning n im here blogging. whoosh.OH YAR! thank u sooo much for the cake! so sweet lar! =) tahnk u sgt shobana! n staff wanxin n encik gurinderjit! =)n yes, im soooo touched. tammy wong miss me! YAY! hahaha. i cud tell she was gg mad coz i wasnt there to bring joy n laughter into her otherwise boring life. seee, u need me tammy. u really do. mwahaha!YAY! bdae coming! heehee. YAY! hahahaha. ask me y im happy that im gg to be a year older? sheesh. heehee. yay!hmmmm, what else ah? hahaha. oh, vdae chocs. some has been eaten n wheee. im still coughing away like mad. bt heeck! im eating the chocs n sweets! MWAHAHA. if ur nice, i myte share it with u. IF!mwahaha, pisang. AHEMM. pisang is sooo cute no? hghtyancyrunrntnmdndajcbdcmfhfi.if anybody cn figure that out, pls inform me.hahaha. ok, till here. BUBBYE! =)**********************************************************************************shYAza: thank u! =)nasha: ya lah ya lah. u gg to pay ah! hahaha.Lis: ya lah! very sick! heehee. im waaaaiting.tammy: oit, wrong blog! im nt ur ghost fren! hahaha! anyway, i noe u miss me. yay! i miss u too! =)twinkle star: thanks darl! =)xj: hello platoonmate! yay! thanks! =)*******************************************************************************
3:22 PM
Thursday, February 15, 2007
im sick.so i'll make this short. i wana ryte more bt nt nw. im too weak to even type.so yesterday, elle tusya binte salim made me cry my hearts n eyes out for her. she refused to open her eye n i wanted to go over n just open them for her. she looked so weak!ic sarah j had to hold her head for her. (chill marlia).ic rupini had to hold her legs for her. (chill nabila).n ic nurin had to talk to her. =pso yes, wen da paramedics came, i cudent control myself. i wanted so much for dat tuuut to open her eyes. mwahahaha, bt my dear elle tusya didnt. kambing!den off she went to KK hospital. gaawd! wen she finally smiles n finally laughs at all the stupid things dat i do, i was gooood daaaaaamnnn releeeieeved!!N PPL GEZ WAT? DEAR SGT SHOBANA, RUSHED DOWN, TOOK A CAB N SEARCHED FRANTICALLY, ALL THE HOSPITAL FOR ELLE TUSYA.awww, so sweeeet! mwahahahaha. den yes, i gt hugs frm so many ppl. ok 3. hahahaha. 2 red cross ppl n MS NAIR. yes. believe it or not. mwahaha! hilarious.ics had to talk to me to calm me down. but what ic rupini said, still satyed in my +brain till now.
" u better not get parkinson there ah."
mwahahaha, made me laugh ony. haish, n mrs ouyang said a sentence to me. hahahaha. n mrs tan said many sentences to me.
wen at hospital, after making her laugh, i had to go home coz it was 7 sth already. so ms nair sent me n SGT SHOBANA to bugis mrt.
i was disturbing her all the way, n yes, i found out a hot story. gaawd, hafiza?! ahahaha!
mmmhmmm, den den den, yapz went home.
v'dae gifts. yapz still intact.
now, im hving flu. n im unfit for sch for 2 days. i cnt believe im saying this, bt i wana go sch 2moro. mwahaha.
oukiee dokiee then, till here. muacks! =)
4:33 PM
Saturday, February 10, 2007
G.P.A!!!woohooo! GPA RAAWKS!! aaah! i like!! i really really HOPE we get in. pls lah dey, its fugging cool! woohoo!oh wells, today started at 9. yay! wohooo! had big breakfast. drank coffee. NICE WAT! woohoo. den kak shaza had to teach my 3 wonderful lines where i was suppose to be angry! WAH SEY! damn hard lah! i said it OVER n OVER n OVER again. until seriously, i got angry. mwahaha.so yes,we finished da whole script! YAAAY! GOD DAMN HAPPY!and oh! my back ache is gone with the wiiind! mwahaha. i almost dont mind nt hving half of my body when my back was aching like the mangkok's bzness. fuuy! cn dieee!wheee! 2moro got pe. am i happy? no. mwahahaha!n yes, elle got pun'ked. mwahaha! so bad lah u ppl! heez.whee, gotta go study for tests!! bleagh. heez.n yesh, i LOVE CLOUDS! muuuaacccckkksss! =)n to marlia! happy birthday! im nt sure how they say it in alien language. mwahaha! n yes, im waiting for my prezzie! mwahaha!
****************************************************************************************marliaaa: its very nice lah!Lis: we missing u too! yay! u called me kambing? hahahahaha!!elle tusya: wheee, elle elle. tsk!sa: u dreamt of me? awww! hahaha, N CONGRATS! =)***************************************************************************************
5:21 PM
Friday, February 09, 2007
its been damn looong!its been so long since ive been on da comp. i misss it oh so dearly!!hahaha, ok lets seeee. on wed. hahaha, it was FUN!! yaay! new part as. n her feet is still bigger then mine. tsk.heehee, so yes, new part as. haish. we must buck up! n i donoe what to call us.so yes, bought the GPA tix. mwahaha. i hope GPA would turn out fyne. really! wheee!test test test. so many tests! kebabom! wana do well for geog! HAVE TO! yaay!as for amaths. haiyoyo. cn die laah sey!n yes, to the seniors, may u be happy with ur results! wtv it is, u put in ur best effort already! muacks!********************************************************************************************************************sa: i love this song too! yaay! hahaha, LOVE U TOOO!jaan: i miss ur bloody leg kicking my chair lah dey!twinkle star: evrytime i do that, u left smiles for me. =)hafizaa: oh wow, hv u been thrown into the dust bin? kicked at the back of ur knees until u fall? be pushed onto the ground? beg hidden for more than 5 times? HAVE U? HAVE U? HAAAVE U?!*******************************************************************************************************************
5:45 PM
Tuesday, February 06, 2007
so sad. so so sad.i smtimes feel like im nt impt to them anymore.so anyway, had a ride of emotions today. heehee, was suppose to meet arina, bt that kambing cnt make it at da last minute. kepeesh.mhm, 2moro got test, so i better go study! 2moro got PARADE!! YAAAAAY!! new part as coming. mwhaha. (den happy ah?)mmhhmm, yar, tammy wong was being nice, bt she kept on doing that hand thing to make me shut up! how evil!! ahahaha, had a gd time collecting the mind maps. wheee.den den, this girl ah, she very irritating. hais, n yar, shes nt frm da same cca as me. (bt dat doesnt mean u cn say bad things abt abt my cca. blueks!! bt no worries, i wont stoop to ur level. BLUEKS!)mmhmm, GPA is turing out fyne, but my mom just had to complicate things. blueks! sorry irfan, n other ppl. haaish.n to the ppl getting results on friday, GOOD LUCK!! n sarah adnan, no need be so scared! heeheehee. woakae, burb bye! =)"OOO, UUU, OOO, UUU, OOO, UUU, OOO, UUU, OOO, UUU, OOO, UUU"
sounds familiar pisang? heeheehee.
treat ppl the way u wana be treated. nt fair. why pisang n elle cn bully me, bt they never kena bullied? i hate to be bullied. hate it. HATE IT! mwahahahaha!!
aqila: hahaha, ok. i rmbr singing it last yr.
jaan: haahaha, we shall do the handshake more!
twinkle: see see see! im strong! hahaha. muacks!
lis: no worries! we will.
elle tusya: blueeeks! dont be so mean!
tammy: aww! u love me? I LOVE U TOO!! n jubina. mwahaha!
sa: u say the wisest things. hahaha, thanks! n yapz, i love you too! hehehe.
marlia: mhm mhm mhm! hahahaha.
8:57 PM
Monday, February 05, 2007
why? i really wonder why.cnt she just be nice for once? cant she just let me be the person i want to be, without trying so hard to shape me into what she wants me to be? why do i need her permission for everything? for wtv i wana wear, what tudong i wana wear, n even what bra i wana wear. she gives me no freedom. all i had to do was to lie. lie. lie, lie. my best fren.ppl say i act well. no i dont. i lie well. y? coz indirectly, my mom thot me how to lie. she wants me to be what she wants me to. i cant understand how ppl could actually hv so much freedom.the freedom to go out, the freedom to have fun, the freedom of not lying to get what they want.it hurts when i alwys have to please my mom. wenever i have to follow wat ever she says. cn i decide what i want? for once?n it hurts when she would start to scream over the phone. n when other nabila's, marlia's, ira's parents would be fyne with wat ever they want. whenever they wana go out. or eve for a meal? n even when there's activities at sch. or even hv lunch together after sch. gawd, she just dont understand.im sorry gpa ppl, bt i have to do this. im gg to draw out frm GPA. i hvnt really decide on it. but yes. my mom dont wane hear a word bout GPA. i want to go! but i cant. why do i always hv to say that? i wnat to, but i cant.cant she let me be? n ppl wonder why i love camps, y i love gg jalan raya. i rmbr khairiah asking y i was so happy wen we go jln raya. hah, im turning 15 in a few days time. n does she care? she never does. she was never happy for me.the times i passed my maths test after failing god noes hw many times, was she happy? no. she was angry. hah, wen i gt into SYF, she wasnt happy. wen we gt first for orienteering, she wasnt happy. she scolded me indeed coz i reach hm late. n seriously, i didnt merayap after sch this yr. i really didnt. ='(i gez she doesnt wasnt to show it. but y? issit so hard? so hard to say, well done! gawd, wen dat day comes, i will cry my eyes out. cnt she ask, how my day was? cnt she ask, if i hv anyprobs? y do u tink im so talkative n hyper in sch? coz i cnt get to express myself at home.im too overly protected. does she care? no she doesnt. i bet she will be extremely happy if i quit NCC oso. she wana see me miserable. but i cnt let that happen, if i feel the pain, i will make sure she does too. y cn she hv freedom n i cant? m i nt a hman being too?bt i just want her trust. until she start trusting me, n give me space, until then, this troubled teenager in her house, will cont to cry her eyes out, evrytime. wishing for a better life.
10:19 PM
Sunday, February 04, 2007
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!WE WON AGAIN!!YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY LIONS!! WOOHOOO!!ALAM SHAAAAAAH!!!AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!10 GOALS!! MWA BABY ROCKS SOCKS!!N ELLE, PLS, HE IS MINE!! MWAHAHAHA!! YAY!! WOOHOOO!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!n dat guy, dat no.7, thai guy. how cud he!! he spit at AMRI!!!AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!! N RIDHUAN!! HAHAHA!! OK NVM!! LOINEL!! YAY!! OMG!! MOHD NOH OSO!! YAAAY!! GREEAAAT SAVE!!HOW CUD THE THAI PPL BOO!! HAHAHA! WOOHOOO!! LO.SE.R. MWHAHAHA!! WOOHOOO!! IM GG TO DREAM OF ME BABY TONYTE.YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!! MWAHAHHAA!! WOOHOOO!! WA CAYA SAMA LU AH S'PORE!! WOOHOOO!!AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! HAHAHA, YAAAY!! IM DAMN HAPPY LAAAAAAAAAAHH!!
8:31 PM
Friday, February 02, 2007
ola people!
" And I wonder, are you thinking of me
Cuz I'm thinking of you
And I wonder
Are you ever coming back in my life?
Cuz here I am so alone
And there's nothing in this world I can do "
e puppet show! very cool! heeheehee. its damn cool. wheee.
sa: WHEE!! hahaha. ok, i donoe what to reply. nyeeheehee.
vroom.vroom.: sch has been great! u?
hafizaaa: eh eh eh, kong asam!
xj: eh? oh!
twinkle: why sad?!
8:29 PM
Thursday, February 01, 2007
WOOOHOOO!!peeeooppppllleee!! I LOVE LAST WEDNESDAY!!!
omg omg omg!
first it was the power card presentation, den it was the power pt, den it was the power interaction, den it was da power cake, den it was the power match, N DAT POWER PERSON WE SAW!! ok, maybe two.
omg omg omg!! its just plain awesome!! so many things happened!!e match was simply.. POWER RABAK!! power pon tak serabak tu. eeeks! damn damn damn cool. it was so horrible to get frm kallang mrt to stadium. gaawwdd! almost died trying to find me bro in law. den kepeesh, vulgarities were evrywhere!!n ggaawwwd!! gez who was sitting 3 benches in frnt of us?! heehee, give u haint, elle LOVES her hairnet. hahahaha, wheee! another hint, he was there at that same stadium, not too long ago, wen SYF took place. nyeeheehee. obvious enuf?hmm, den, well, dat mind map. i feel like squashing hafiza to death!!!!den tammy wong came back! yay! n we rmbr the sampan song. hahaha.n yes, meet refizah 2moro. u will get to know her dont worry. =)n oh, i cnt replay tags now, sth wrong with my tag board. so, i shall replay wen its ok. yay!